Review: Eight Against Reality

written by Frank Dutkiewicz

I’ve sold stories. Dave’s sold stories. A sizable portion of the people reading this blog have sold them as well. Everyone (don’t deny it if you have sold one) couldn’t have done it without help. A friend to give it a look, lend a helping hand, and tell you when you are off your rocker and to change that thing you thought was so clever when you wrote it.

Writers never go it alone. Stories are their babies, babies that have had more than one uncle or aunt to help bring it to maturity. Most writers belong to a critique group. Some are large with an open door policy to all that want to join (Critters, Hatrack), while others are exclusive (Codex).

Eight Against Reality is an anthology put together by a very exclusive writers group called Written in Blood. It’s eight members vowed to help each other through thick and thin. So confident are they with each other’s abilities that they all contributed a story for all of us to read.

Let’s just see how good this exclusive club of writers isâ€

The Eminence’s Match by Juliette Wade

Eminence Nekantor is a difficult man to please. If His Eminence isn’t happy, then no one will be happy, and His Eminence is rarely happy. Bureaucrats run from his fury. The house-servants cringe from his cruelty. An entire nation will suffer when His Eminence is on a rampage. The task of pleasing Nekantor, and suffer the brunt of his fury, falls upon his Imbati manservant, a job that proves difficult to fill.

Kurek, an experienced manservant, is the latest to fail. Now the Service Academy must ready another. The Director is set to send one of its top students, but Details Master Arkad believes Xinta is the only one capable of handling His Eminence’s extrinsic need for perfection. Xinta has proved to have trouble dealing with the abuse of the academy, but Arkad senses a quality in him that may be just what His Eminence has desired all along.

The Eminence’s Match is a tale of a powerful man with an obsessive-compulsive disorder that has run amuck. It opens with the reader experiencing Nekantor tormenting his manservant, Kurek. Nekantor expects a level of perfection that any rational person would consider impossible. Trapped in his own sickness, Nekantor seeks to share his misery by making a game of breaking his Imbati manservants’ calm disposition.

The Service Academy is a school designed to teach young men to endure the abuse Grobal noblemen dish out on their manservants. The students must suffer through a gauntlet of physical abuse while a Grobal instructor verbally assaults them. The lessons taught within its walls would be considered felonious in any modern day western society. Xinta is a convincing timid and meek man-child that has been stripped of most of his pride so he will be able to live a life as a human punching bag.

The strength of this story is the characters. The tale is told from four separate points of view with most of it done through Nekantor and Xinta’s eyes. All the people are under an enormous amount of stress. From the start, the reader is led to believe that Nekantor is a spoiled man that is cruel only because it gives him pleasure, but he is in reality suffering from a mental illness that has him on the verge of rendering him incapacitated. The OCD that has consumed him is overwhelming, but not obvious from Nekantor’s perspective. In fact, Ms Wade did such a splendid job that the reader is able to piece together what is wrong with Nekantor without the character being aware of it himself.

The story done from Xinta’s eyes is equally as astounding. The academy challenges its students to defy the ‘turning the other cheek’ axiom they need to adhere to if they are to succeed. Ms Wade offers how such a character could rationalize enduring such an irrational task. I found him convincing and very likeable.

The Eminence’s Match is about insane people set in a crazy circumstance that is told so rational people can sympathize with it all. Juliette Wade managed an impossible task by bringing these people to life and making it all believable. I found the characters delightful and the story powerful, but like the theme of her story, all was not perfect. I have one complaint, and it is a big one.

The tale ended just as the really story was about to begin. The title and plot led me to believe that a titanic battle of wills was about to commence. The story from the first word to the last scene was written as a set up for a classic ‘unstoppable force vs the immovable object’ struggle. Instead, Ms Wade chose a different ending. The resolution was too simple and unsatisfying. I wanted, and expected, more.

The writing in The Eminence’s Match is first class. I loved Ms Wade’s style and her ability to bring her dysfunctional people to life. The story is fitting for an opening act for any best selling anthology.

Kip, Running by Genevieve Williams

Kip is a freerunner. She runs in a future Seattle that has grown tall and is connected with a complex mass-transit system. The races are run through the city’s skyline and the rules are simple; get to the finish line any way you can but you must do it on foot or by riding for free. Kip’s aim is to beat her rival, Narciso, and win the object of her affection in the process, Lily, Narciso’s girlfriend and freerunner groupie.

A freerunner race is a daring and dangerous game. The object of the race is to grab onto anything that moves to get you to the finish line, not unlike what modern day skateboarders do by grabbing the bumpers of passing cars, except this game has a 3-dimensional element to it with mass-transit lines running 80 stories above the ground. The racers give a whole new meaning to the concept of train jumping.

Kip, Running is a rollercoaster of a story. Kip glides through the tall skyline like a flying squirrel in a redwood forest. Following her run is an exciting adventure. Particularly enticing is the futuristic Seattle. The fast-paced city is very different from today, but not so different that it is alien to the reader. I could visualize Kip flying through its skyline, very well done.

Not as exciting is Kip’s obsession with Lily. Kip believes defeating her rival will win his girlfriend’s heart. It becomes the reason for her to risk her life, not the adrenaline surges of leaping from train to slidewalk hundreds of feet above an unseen street. Her obsession dulls the edge of a sharp adventure. It cheapened the thrill of the piece and made me less sympathetic for Kip. The sidebar story set up for a disappointing finish. I cannot remember an ending line that I disliked more. I would have preferred reading ‘The End’ in its place.

Despite my disappointment with the ending, I found Ms Williams’ story telling professionally well done. The writing is very solid and the visual narrative first class. I did enjoy 90% of Kip, Running and can see why it was chosen for this anthology.

The Lonely Heart by Aliette de Bodard

A thin street girl named Xia eyes a statue at Chen’s merchant stall. The girl is reminder of a life Chen escaped, but unlike Chen, Xia has fallen prey to a pimp. Powerless to help her, Chen returns home to the husband that rescued her ten years before and his mother. She tries to put the tormented child, and her pimp’s threatening words, out of her mind. Then Xia appears at her door. Chen is torn between looking out for her family’s best interest and the guilt of Xia’s empty life. But there is more to Xia than meets the eye. Chen has yet to learn how empty of life Xia is.

The Lonely Heart is a sad story that shifts unexpectedly to a creepy one. Chen is portrayed as one of the fortunate early in the story. She was lucky to survive the homeless existence of her youth to become a member of China’s lower middle-class. She is grateful to her husband for rescuing her. Ms Bodard does a masterful job of showing a life that most would find dismal as a blessing.

Xia has an effect on Chen immediately. Her presence tugs at Chen’s conscience. As the story progresses, Xia forces Chen to realize her role in her marriage, and why her husband rescued her long ago. The story would have been great if Ms Bodard would have stuck with this extraordinary theme, but she inserted a twist that I didn’t see coming. High marks for that.

I found The Lonely Heart special. A disguised horror that was so much more. Ms Bodard successfully created a character that is subtly filled with guilt. She set up a convincing past and a unique set of circumstances to make Chen’s choice believable. For anyone else, the price she paid at the end would be too high. Ms Bodard sold me that it wouldn’t be too high for Chen. Masterfully done.

The Flying Squids of Zondor: The Movie Script by Doug Sharp

Commandrix Dron and her valiant (and dense) crew of the Trigon have been saddled to play host to the female prince, and heir to the Tandori crown, Galina. To relieve her indignity of being relegated to a ‘whoremonger’, Dron spots a planet filled with flying squids to take her anger out on. The Planet Zondor is ruled by the giant squid Zondor the Fertile. The squids are a peaceful race (except for the second in command, Zondor 2). The primitive Zondor squids spot the Trigon approaching from deep space (no explanation how they were able to detect it), and do nothing.

Dron instructs her rocket crew to attack and floors it. Galina does her best to yank on the steering wheel (interstellar ships have steering wheels?). They crash on the planet, suffering only 60% casualties in the process. They proceed to attack the palace (the only structure on the planet) and that is when things get really weird.

The Flying Squids of Zondor: The Movie Script is more of a 20 minute skit than a movie script. If written, it would need a lot of actors. There of 17 speaking parts, 32 actually, considering MAN-16 is in fact 16 humans melded into one being. Reading it as a script is odd in itself. The narrative is preachy (just like a script), which made the story fast, as in a blur. Smooth prose was not an objective for this piece.

It is clear that Mr Sharp really wasn’t pitching the next great movie. The story is really a Sci-Fi satire. Well, more of a farce. I believe Mr Sharp was really writing a bit, but not one you would find on Saturday Night Live. I’m guessing Doug was going for more of a Monty Python flavor. The dialog, for example, was way over the top.

Treat Commandrix Den Dron like a whoremonger will you? Hump blatantly in my fearsome Trigon?

Record my vow: I shall wreak dreadful vengeance upon the Tandori crown.

The Flying Squids of Zondor: The Movie Script is simply silly. A silly premise filled with ridiculous characters. Some of the funniest comedies in history are controversial and misunderstood. The more over the top (Three Stooges, Family Guy, Cheech and Chong), the more diverse the opinions will be about them.

Writing funny stories in the fantasy/sci-fi genre is something I like to do, at least I think they’re funny when I write them. I bet Doug thought the same thing when he wrote this.

Humor is subjective, but when you are pushing the line on ridiculous, there is a point when the effort negates the humor. Kind of like when a horror movie goes way over on the gore and screaming women, it ceases to be scary to anyone.

I believe writing this as a movie script was a mistake. Sticking to the tried and true prose of a short story could have made this work. Some jokes need a set up, not much set up here. The Flying Squids of Zondor: The Movie Script is a story of punch lines, but no substance.

Spoiling Veena by Keyan Bowes

Shalini worked hard to make Veena’s birthday special and her best efforts are falling short. The snowfall she ordered became hail. The cake she bought was supposed to be a replica of the Snow Castle, instead they got America’s Congressional Capital. All Shalini wanted for her gender-manipulated daughter, was to make her princess happy. What will make Veena happy may be more change than Shalini expected.

Spoiling Veena is a tale of a parents desire to do what is best for their child. The story explores a future where gender tailoring is a possibility and how it affects the people around them. The author wisely sets the tale inside a future India, where old prejudices still linger in the progressively advancing society. Shalini’s generation is caught between her daughter’s ‘do what makes you happy’ philosophy and her mother’s ‘god intended people to be one way’ morals. The premise is a potential future problem, which makes for good Sci-Fi.

I liked the idea but I didn’t like the author’s decision to write it in a present tense format. The story is written over a time frame that covered a few months. I am not against the present tense style but it didn’t feel right for this one.

I found the ending fitting, one of those little twists that I like. Good idea. The story didn’t bowl me over but did make me think.

Man’s Best Enemy by Janice Hardy

The people of Atlanta, all 98 of them, are expecting this year to be one of the best in a long time, then one of their own falls to a juvie. News that the dogs are near is tragic. Hunters are needed to take it down. Shawna volunteers, but no one wants the doctor’s apprentice to go. Armed with only javelins, bringing down a juvie isn’t always easy. Juvies have a way of becoming adults, and if you aren’t careful, you may find yourself on the wrong end the food chain.

Man’s Best Enemy is set inside an Atlanta a generation removed from a devastating plague. Man’s best friend has become its vicious enemy. Searching for remnants of dwindling supplies is dangerous, but finding an undisturbed store may be worth the risk.

The dogs of Atlanta have grown and are now the top predator. The few people left are holding the downtown area, protecting their dwindling livestock in the abandoned stadiums, and doing their best to rebound in hopes of rebuilding a civilization. Shawna wants to become a hunter like her mother was and brother is. A fallen hunter, and her brother’s infection from a dog bite, has granted her a rare opportunity.

Man’s Best Enemy is hair-raising excitement. The young teens have become the front line defenders against a lion-sized enemy. The people of Atlanta are under siege and are holding the last bit of ground that isn’t overrun by packs of vicious maneaters. Ms Hardy has done a splendid job with this dystopia tale. I found the MC likeable and the Atlanta’s blight believable. I could see why they would be wary of using the last of their guns’ ammunition but found it odd they only brought javelins with them. Spears are easy to make and would do well against even a large dog. The tactics the young defenders used seemed foolish as well. Trying to outrun a predator is just plain suicide.

Although I could poke all kinds of holes in it, I still found Man’s Best Enemy a good story. I liked it.

Love, Blood and Octli by T. L. Morganfield

Ayomichi has found favor with a feathered serpent. Ehecatl is the wind god and gives Ayomichi a gift for her people, creating happiness for all. Ayomichi becomes priestess for her Ehecatl. She discovers that gods do have more than one side to them. Ayomichi and her people learn that gods are like strangers, and that you should be wary when they come bearing gifts.

Love, Blood, and Octli is a fable, a retelling of an Aztec myth. The story is told as Ayomichi grows from a small child to a leader of her tribe. Mankind is changed by Ehecatl’s gifts. Ehecatl himself changes as the story progresses. In the form of a snake, the god molts, and takes on a new personality when he does.

If you are one that can’t get enough of Aesop, than you’ll probably love Love, Blood, and Octli. The story does run a lot longer than a Greek fable and the moral isn’t as clear as the ones reflected in Aesop’s wisdom. In fact, I’m not all sure there is a moral in this tale. Never lose faith, perhaps?

I must say that I think it was a mistake sticking to the fable format. Yes, this was based on a myth, but it could have still been written in a style that was less like a religious lesson than a work of fictional entertainment. I think I would have enjoyed it more if it were.

Dancing by Numbers by Dario Ciriello

Lyra is a dedicated ballerina. She has been working on her focus, concentrating her whole being to find her center of balance, when she slips into another world and different Lyra. She has discovered a new reality, and realizes that she can repeat the process. Lyra becomes an explorer, an explorer of other Lyras. Her friends and workmates worry that she is losing it. When every decision that was ever made can spawn a new reality, losing it becomes just another possibility.

Dancing by Numbers is a new look at alternate universes. Dario Ciriello came up with a concept that makes it seem almost possible. Lyra One (as she comes to call herself) starts a trend. Once combined with her other selves, memories and thoughts become one. The brief visits spur her counterparts to make their own leaps. Lyra One becomes the pebble that starts a ripple in a sea of multi-able universes.

Mr Ciriello’s knowledge of history is a big plus. The universe of a Carthage victory I would have liked to know more about. Too bad he didn’t delve deeper into the different universes for us to learn more.

Alternate universe stories are like time travel ones. Questions that defy the premise arise for readers. For me, the story is too tight. I would have liked more of Lyra(s). The tale is crisp, but brief. I liked the idea and Mr Ciriello’s style, but the tale needed more story for me to fall into it.

Final Thoughts

I envy the Written in Blood writers group for their perseverance. I was once part of a group that attempted the same thing they did. We were about the same size with the same goal; get a group of emerging writers together and work for the benefit of all. Instead of equals that were eager to help each other, we devolved into something like a dysfunctional family sitting together for a disastrous Thanksgiving dinner. The group lasted less than a month. Three years later, Written in Blood is still going strong. Standing ovation for that feat.

Eight Against Reality is a risky endeavor. The separate styles in writing and shifting genres may turn some away. I love reading such anthologies but more than a few gravitate to collections that share a theme that interests them. The only theme to this collection is a shared history between the authors. However, if the only criteria that concerns you is the quality of the writing, then you have nothing to worry about.

I have yet to read an anthology with so many different authors where I liked all the stories. Eight Against Reality does not break that streak. However, rarely will you find the quality of writing this consistently high.

I found almost all the stories professionally done. Two were exceptional, in my opinion.

If you are looking for an example of a character driven story, study Aliette de Bodard’s The Lonely Heart. Ms Bodard took a character who lived a life that I could never envision, and brought her to life for me. Masterfully done.

Juliette Wade’s The Eminence’s Match was that and so much more. Yes, I was disappointed with the end, but only because I was not ready for it to end. Her characters, seeing what they saw and feeling what they felt, made for a powerful reading experience. If I were granted the honor of nominating one story for a major award (Nebula, Hugo, Campbell), I would be placing The Eminence’s Match on my short list of ones to consider at the end of the year.

Eight Against Reality was a pleasure to read. I give this anthology of virtual unknowns a solid recommendation.

This is the gold award that Frank proudly displays in his home. Emery Huang threw it through his living room window after readingÂFrank’s review of Writers of the Future Vol 25. Frank now plans on reviewing Eugie Foster’s works so he can add a Nebula to his collection.

The Best of The Drabblecast

If you like this “Best of” list, check out my lists for other podcasts.

Strange stories by strange authors for strange listeners (such as yourself). This is the aptly chosen opening tagline for the Drabblecast. Founded and narrated by Norm Sherman, the Drabblecast is an audio showcase of the weird. It doesn’t restrict itself to any particular genre, just so long as it’s weird, so there’s a mix of what could be called science fiction, fantasy, horror, mystery, mainstream, and some stuff that just defies any sort of classification–it’s all welcome on the Drabblecast as long as it’s weird.

Every week Norm provides a whole set of features to entertain and confuse. Every week there’s a feature flash story, approximately 2000 words or less. On top of this there is a weekly drabble (story of exactly 100 words) and a twitfic (story of less than 100 characters). On top of this there is often a Drabble News segment in which he discusses some strange news article like the celebration of Dead Duck Day in the Netherlands. As if that weren’t enough, Norm also includes some music segments written and performed by Norm himself. The most notable of these are the Bbardles–a donation incentive, if you donate a certain amount of money he will write a song in the style of your choice on the topic of your choice and turn it into a funny and entertaining piece of music. These are really fantastic pieces of work.

I don’t mean this as a slight to the other fiction podcasts I frequent, but the Drabblecast is more tuned in to my tastes (both as a reader and a writer) than any other magazine/podcast I’ve come across. It’s actually kind of creepy. I think that Norm has hacked into my mind and has downloaded some kind of insidious spyware tool directly into my brainstem which is both judging and altering my tastes to ensure complete control of my mind. This would make me worried if I weren’t enjoying it so much. So I say “Bring it on, Norm. You may be using unethical mind control techniques to ensure my continued listening, but I don’t mind. Maybe I only like it because your brain-virus is telling me to like it, but that’s okay, because I like it.”

Part of what sets the Drabblecast apart is their audio production. Many of the stories add dramatic music and sound effects at appropriate places. I’m not sure if I like this better than just a straight reading, but it offers some nice variety at the very least and it sounds really good.

By the way, I don’t know if it’s just me, but I haven’t been able to figure out a way to download the audio files directly from Drabblecast’s main site. I can listen to them there, and there’s a hyperlink to sign up for their mp3 feed, but not an actual download option. There is a Drabblecast archive, but it’s not updated as often as the main site. In any case, for my weekly download I’ve been downloading from other sites that re-post the episodes, usually CastRoller.

Without further ado, here is my Best of Drabblecast list. For the purposes of the list, I’ve only included the feature stories in the list. It’s not that I don’t like drabbles or twitfic, but even though I enjoy them, fiction that short doesn’t leave a long-lasting impression because it’s over before I’ve really gotten the story congealing in my brain. So, of all of the Drabblecast’s feature stories to date, these are my favorites:

1. Teddy Bears and Tea Parties by S. Boyd Taylor
Don’t be fooled by the title; this is not a chlidren’s story. Amazing, creepy, disturbing, weird. Teddy bears that bleed grape jelly. ‘Nuff said.

2. Babel Probe by David D. Levine
Time traveling AI visits the Tower of Babel to find the truth of the myth. It’s just as cool as it sounds.

3. Annabelle’s Alphabet by Tim Pratt
Is anyone surprised that Tim Pratt is on the list? This is a great piece of writing. I read this in print a while back and I loved it there too. The story is about a little girl, Annabelle, and it goes through the alphabet letter by letter, tying them into the story. This approach works surprisingly well, and Pratt does a great job of filling in backstory in bits and pieces so that the big picture coalesces smoothly and poetically.

4. Snowman’s Chance in Hell by Robert Jeschonek
This is a very recent one, but I’m glad it aired before I made the list. I love creation stories, especially ones which take a bizarre and irrational take on it all. This is the best one that I’ve ever read.

5. The Wrong Cart by Bruce Holland Rogers (in Doubleheader IV)
A short one, which is part of a Doubleheader special, which has two stories by the same author within the same episode. The other story is relatively good, but The Wrong Cart is a real gem, a perfect example of Drabblecast weirdness. You know how, when people realize that they’ve made a mistake, there’s a tendency to just go with and pretend like there was no mistake? Well, imagine that concept taken to the point of absurdity, and you have this episode.

6. The Fine Point by Gary Cuba
Ooh, existential philosopy of the best sort. The scary part is that these particular ideas have crossed my mind, but I never wrote a story about it, so Gary wins. 🙂

7. The Food Processor by Michael Canfield
A bizarre story, which gets weirder and weirder. Children living with their mother and their never-seen overbearing father. If, early on, you think you know where this story is going, you are wrong.

8. Charlie the Purple Giraffe was Acting Strange by David D. Levine
I never realized this, but it appears that I’m a fan of David D. Levine, since he got two entries in the top 10. This is another one that sounds like a children’s story but isn’t. It’s philosophy in a toon suit.

9. The Society of Eccentric Moustaches by Daniel Lemoal
If the title alone doesn’t make you laugh, then you may be a zombie. Odd facial hair always makes for quality entertainment–especially mustaches with funny names such as the pushbroom, handlebar, or walrus.

10. So You’re Going to Die by Robert Reed
Another very recent one, structured as a sales pitch, a former assassin selling a sort of death insurance. Good stuff.

Honorable Mentions:

Performance Anxiety by Weldon Burge (in Trifecta II)
I’ll let this one speak for itself. Just listen to it, and stick around til the end. It’s worth it, trust me.

Jelly Park by Aliya Whitely
Don’t expect any deep and profound meaning. This is one is cute, and sweet, and has an insanely catchy song.

2084 by Tom Williams
A glimpse of a risk-taker in the future. It’ll have you on the edge of your seat.


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She & Him Concert

So, Heather and I went to a She & Him concert at First Avenue for our 6th wedding anniversary.

“Music?” I hear you say. “WTF? Since when does Diabolical Plots cover music?”

Well, hypothetical questioner, there is a tie-in (however tenuous) to our more typical material, which I’ll explain in a bit, so hold onto your horses. What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?

Anyhoo, if you’re not familiar with She & Him, then you’re missing out. The “She” in the band name is one of my favorite actresses, Zooey Deschanel. She’s been in more and more movies over the last few years, and I just can’t get enough of them. The first movie that I really noticed her in was “Elf”, the only Will Ferrell movie that I like. She really caught my ear in that movie with her “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” duet with Ferrell. She has an amazing voice with crystal clear tones that seem to linger in the air, and a style that I associate more with styles of previous decades, most notably the 1920s. It’s no surprise that other movie directors have taken advantage of her musical talent, so if you want a wider sample, check out “500 Days of Summer”, a great story about love which is not a love story–an amazing movie on many levels. And, of course, her character in the movie “Yes Man” (co-starring Jim Carrey) had her own band called Munchausen by Proxy (best band name ever), in which they had several original and very catchy songs with Zooey as the lead singer. Also, for those of you who are programming geeks like myself, IMDB reports that she is scheduled to play Ada Lovelace (generally considered the person to write the very first computer program) in an upcoming movie.

“So…” you say. “Where’s that tie-in you were talking about?” Okay, okay. Well, Zooey is no stranger to speculative fiction movies. Elf is one, with its Christmas elves and Santa Claus. But, of more traditional SF, she played the role of Trillian in the 2005 movie adaptation of the late, great Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. And she also played DG (the Dorothy Gale analog) in the Sci Fi original Tin Man, one of the few Sci Fi originals that’re worth the time to watch (yes I know they call themselves SyFy but I die a little each time I use their official name). Oz is one of my favorite fictional worlds of all time, and my very first publication (The Utility of Love) was a horror retelling of The Wizard of Oz, so I was delighted to see Zooey in the lead role of the Sci Fi miniseries. I would really love to interview her for Diabolical Plots, and movies like that give me ample excuses to do so (If I didn’t have such excuses, I would still want to do an interview anyway because she is simply awesome). The trouble is, Hollywood people are rather hard to reach, for obvious reasons, and I have no idea how to go about it. So, while I try to figure that out, in the meantime I’m posting this article. If anyone has any ideas about how to initiate such contact, feel free to post a comment. Writers and editors tend to be much easier to find, because their careers depend on self-promotion, getting the news out about their next big book, so most have a Facebook or Livejournal account which can field messages. Actresses are much harder to reach, of course–I have found a Zooey Deschanel on Facebook but I seriously doubt it is the Real McCoy.

So anyway, like I was saying, She & Him has released two CD’s so far, cleverly named Volume One and Volume Two. We picked up Volume One pretty much the moment that we first heard that Zooey had a band, and loved it enough that the purchase of Volume Two was a foregone conclusion. The “Him” of the band’s name is M. Ward, another very worthy talent, who plays guitar for the band and also sings vocals for some of the songs (though not nearly as many as Zooey). The CDs include some familiar songs (like Swing Low, Sweet Chariot) but are mostly original music, generally with a catchy beat, often about love or breakups. My favorite from these two CDs is “I’ll Get Along Without You Now”, a story of a recently ended romance. But my favorite lyric is from “I Thought I Saw Your Face Today”: I somehow see what’s beautiful in things that are ephemeral. The lyrics are well-written, the melodies stick in my head all day, and Zooey’s amazing voice takes these great components and turns them into one marvelous whole.

Back to the concert. Unfortunately, Heather had to work late that day, so we weren’t in line at the door when they opened up. This is a bit of a pain at First Ave because there are only a few actual seats (which we were way too late for), the rest is standing room. So we had to stand, though we found a place where we had a decent vantage point.

The opening band was The Chapin Sisters, a duo who were working double-duty as She & Him’s backup singers. They were… okay. We like their backup singing, (to the extent that Heather’s considering a complete career change to audition for a position as back-up singer for She & Him), but they didn’t wow me as their own group. I think this was largely due to two factors:
1. The sound levels weren’t very well adjusted for this portion of the concert. As a result, one of the two sisters was so loud that she was both borderline painful to the ears and also nearly impossible to understand.
2. Of the lyrics that I could understand, the songs didn’t really catch my interest that much. The one that I do remember involved sitting in the dusty branches of a palm tree, which didn’t really make sense and simultaneously wasn’t an intriguing fiction.

Often I complain when bands talk too much, to the point that they just seem more interested in ranting and pushing their own agendas–usually long monologues about the general desirability of living in a constant muddled drug haze. Or, in the case of Rufus Wainwright, long long inflammatory political rants, occasionally interrupted by him “performing” his music, which he both managed to forget the words to, and also sang quite off key.

She & Him was on the opposite end of the spectrum, to the point that they barely spoke at all, generally flowing from one song into the next without a pause for breath. They stopped two or three times just for a moment to ask how we were doing and to let us know they were having a good time, once for Zooey to ask people to turn off the flashes on their camera, and once to ask one particularly obstinate individual to PLEASE turn his flash off who didn’t listen the first time. They introduced the band members only at the very end, with simply a listing of their names and no further elaboration.  The upside of this is that there was a lot of music packed into not much time. The downside was that I would’ve actually liked to hear them talk about themselves, to hear some more from Zooey, and to hear anything at all about M. Ward about whom I know almost nothing. He is Ferb to Zooey’s Phineas, almost entirely silent to the other half of the more vocal duo (if you don’t get that reference you need to watch more cartoons).

They were fun to watch, and they performed everything very closely to how it sounds on the album, which is always a plus for those who, like me, like to sing along. I have no complaints about the concert, they provided a great night of music. Check out their CDs and catch their concert the next time they come through town.

Storygasm Results!

written by Nathaniel Lee

Here are the stories resulting from the Storygasm event in rough chronological order of prompts received. Feel free to take yours and post it elsewhere or link directly to this page. Thanks for contributing!

Prompt – “Lonely Cowbots” by Damon Shaw

Initially, CP0012 ignored it when CP0013 arrived with a Stetson perched on his heat sink. CP0012’s programming contained very few instructions about non-bovine topics. The following day, however, CP0013 began broadcasting sounds and disturbing the herd:

“>10 N=BOTTLESBEER
>20 N=100
>30 PRINT N-1
>40 IF N>0 GOTO 20”

CP0012 opened a communications channel. “Query: Justification for broadcast.”

“Answer: I’m a cowboy! Howdy-howdy-howdy!”

CP0012 filed a repair request and returned to watching cows. Insofar as CP0012 felt anything, he liked cows. Cows were predictable.

In the distance, CP0013 emitted the first sounds of a synthesized harmonica. CP0012 shut down his microphone.

Prompt – “Lost Hearts” by David Longhorn

She answered the door on the fourth ring.

“I want it back,” I said.

She shrugged one delicate shoulder and turned away, leaving the door ajar. I stepped inside. Racks of cages lined the hallway, full of hearts. They were limp, despondent things, gazing out at her with hopeless longing. Three more, a bit better groomed, lurked nervously on the couch. She shoved them aside and seated herself.

“I don’t have it,” she said, crossing her legs.

“You†how?”

She shrugged again. “It got lost. You should take better care of your heart if you don’t want it getting lost.”

Prompt – “Buridan’s Ass” by Loren Eaton

The first thing I saw when I walked into the Philosophy department was Buridan’s naked ass.

“Buridan!” I shouted, covering my eyes. “What-? Are you†floating?”

Buridan rotated towards me, and I felt an odd pressure, as though I were suddenly under ten feet of water. Buridan drifted further away. “I have achieved enlightenment, of a sort,” he said. “Recall the donkey and the hay.”

“The free-will proof?”

“He was trapped between desirables. I, in contrast, loathe everything equally. Thus, I am suspended.”

“Department meeting starts in ten minutes.”

Buridan sighed. “Help me down. I need to find my pants.”

Prompt – “The Relativity of Relativity” by Matt Kempke

“Family Reunion!” the banner proclaimed. White puffs of hair and bristling mustaches bobbed around the pavilion.

“Have you met Cousin Bernie?” Meredith gushed, leading her charge over to the grill. “He’s discovered the reason hot dogs come in tens but buns only in eights.”

“Howdy!” Bernie waved his tongs.

“And here Uncle Cal. He’s discovered the relationship between sound and intelligence. How does it go, Cal? The quieter you are, the smarter you seem?”

Cal nodded solemnly.

“And me, well, this here is my final experiment. A=N^f~1.” Meredith smiled. “As the number of family members increases, personal aggravation approaches one.”

Prompt – “I’m Not Telling You Twice” by Jim Murdoch

“Matthew Roderick Johannson, get down here this instant!” Mom called from downstairs.

“Jeez, Mom. You don’t have to tell me twice.” Matt paused his game.

“I’m not telling you twice,” said Mom from the doorway.

“Oh,” said Matt. “Sorry, Mom1. I thought you were Mom3.” He squinted until the quantum phantasms merged back into a unified Mom, or at least a Mom-shaped cloud representing the current most likely Mom.

“Those games are terrible for your ability to focus. What if you’d slipped into the wrong stream completely?”

“Mom!” Matt rolled his eyes. “The chances of that are like mathematically zero.”

Prompt – “Walrus Planet” by Sam

They gathered in thousands on the vast ice floes. Along the edges, there was a constant transition as hungry individuals slipped into the chill waters while others hooked their tusks into the ice to heave their sated bulks out of the water and rest.

In the distance, off to the south, there were flashes of light, like a sporadic Aurora. Then, a rumble as of far-off thunder. Several whiskery heads lifted curiously, but when nothing further presented itself, they returned to the business of sleeping and digesting.

Another walrus slipped into the water. The southern sky slowly darkened to night.

Prompt – “Oh my god, this wasn’t a dream†it was all real.” by Joey Jordan

“I had such a bad dream,” said Remy. He leapt into the air and spun lazily in a circle, petting the barking dog-tree for comfort. “My house wasn’t endless, and I went outside to go to work, only I couldn’t fly. Then, in the car, the radio just played music and no one appeared or disappeared. I had to drive the whole time. I didn’t skip ahead at all.”

“Sounds unpleasant,” agreed the leprechaun.

“Then I went to get a haircut, and, Remy paused, his hand drifting to his neck. Cool air brushed the freshly shorn skin. “Oh my God,

Prompt – “What kinda person walks around in a yellow hooded cloak? It’s not like it would hide you from anyone.” by Joey Jordan, who apparently didn’t read the rules very closely

Chuck’s finger tightened on the trigger when he spotted the bright yellow figure. He pushed through the foliage.

“Hey,” he hissed. “What are you doing in a yellow cloak? Why are you wearing that?”

The man gave Chuck a quizzical glance. “Because it’s raining out,” he said, gesturing at the sweltering, sunlit treetops with his briefcase. Chuck saw wingtips poking out beneath the rain-slicker. “I’m not getting soaked waiting for the bus.”

Chuck looked for the rest of his squad. When he turned back, the small clearing was empty, save for a distant growling engine and the smell of diesel.

Prompt – “Bargain Messiah” by David Steffen

“There,” Jeezie said. “That’s the best I can do.” Sweat poured from his forehead and soaked his ragged beard as he handed over the cup.

Mary sipped and grimaced. “Cherry Kool-Aid,” she said. “Unsweetened.”

“Sugar is really hard,” said Jeezie, somewhat defensively.

“What about walking on water?”

“Sure!” Jeezie brightened. “I need a vat and a bunch of corn starch. I saw it on Mythbusters.”

Mary sighed. “Salvation?”

“Well†I do know how you can save money on car insurance.”

“Forget it,” said Mary. “Mom was right. Splurge on major purchases and only use the bargain bin for little stuff.”

Prompt – “Axe of Kindness” by Gary Cuba

“Here.”

“No ‘thank you’?” said Leon.

The barista glanced over Leon’s shoulder and paled. “T-t-thanks,” she stammered.

“You’re welcome.” Leon tucked a dollar in the tip jar. “See? Kindness pays.” He walked out with Throckdar in tow. Immediately, they spotted the traffic cop leaving a ticket on Leon’s car.

“Oh, really!” said Leon. “I’m only thirty seconds late.”

Throckdar hefted his axe significantly.

The cop swallowed. “I’ll just tear this up.”

Leon and Throckdar settled into the car, the suspension groaning. “So how’d you get stuck with this, anyway?” Leon asked.

Throckdar shrugged. “Community service. Goblin king had good lawyer.”

Prompt: “The last man on earth sits in his living room. SUDDENLY he
finds his mailbox full of bills” by Sebastian Kempke

Mortimer opened his mailbox. ÂBills, bills, ads, and bills. Automatically generated, computer-printed, sent in pre-paid envelopes through the mechanized mail system. ÂUntouched by human hands from the moment they were printed until the robotic delivery trucks shunted them into Mort’s mail slot. ÂHe handled them carefully, as though they might explode.

“Occupant, current resident…” Mortimer slit the envelopes open and read each word aloud. ÂNobody heard him, of course. ÂHe might be the only person left. ÂOther than the robots, of course.

“Here’s one with my name on it,” Mort told the cleaning bot. ÂIt whirred and trundled blithely on.

Nathaniel Lee is an amateur wordsmith with delusions of grandeur. He’s been writing stories since the second grade, but as yet has not found anyone willing to pay for them. ÂHe maintains a daily writing blog at Mirrorshards.org, and several of those stories have winkled their way onto the Drabblecast (Episodes 154, 156, and 158). Nathan and his wife keep two cats, Ozymandius and Belshazzar, and they spend most of their free time staring into glowing screens of one sort or another. ÂNathan is also an avid board gamer and roleplayer who suffers from a chronic lack of willing participants.