written by David Steffen

Applications to become a first reader are now open to everyone through June 3rd!

See the previous post for more details.

edited by Ziv Wities

Content note (click for details)

Content note: Grief, fraught family relationships, gaslighting.

[user graciegirl2006!? is logged in]

[Guide]
Welcome to this interactive guide! I understand from your About Me profile that you have an issue with a brain that needs killing. I’m here to help!

[graciegirl2006!?]
I can’t believe I found this.

[Guide]
Actually, we are the top search engine result for the keywords in your query!

[graciegirl2006!?]
But this is so specific. It doesn’t make any sense. I don’t even know what I was thinking searching for that; I called the police and then I just…
I didn’t know what else to do.

[Guide]
Well, you did the right thing! Part of our service is to help you with all of your monster/creature/demon-related issues.

[graciegirl2006!?]
Bad enough that my mom just died and now this.

[Guide]
We’re sorry to hear that :(

[graciegirl2006!?]
We had a complicated relationship, you know? I loved her, but she was a tough woman. Cold.

[Guide]
So, while we do have a guide for grief management after losing someone to a monster/creature/demon ($15.99 in our online store!), unfortunately, this guide is more focused on the giant living brain issue you’ve got going on.

[graciegirl2006!?]
Okay, yeah, sure. Sorry. Where do I start?

[Guide]
Let’s begin by establishing a visual baseline. Basically, what does the brain look like? If it’s a yellow, jaundice-like color or a grey like a newspaper (remember those?), then that’s great! Even if it’s got some brain juice pumping through it, that thing is on its way out the door. If this is the case, consider yourself one of the lucky ones! We’ll skip to explaining proper giant living brain disposal. Sorry you paid the full $15.99 for this guide only to find out you didn’t need much help!

[graciegirl2006!?]
It’s pink, I guess. Not jaundice.

[Guide]
Then you’re in the right place! From what you’re saying, I can assume the brain in front of you (I hope it’s in front of you; letting a healthy, sentient brain out of your sight is not advised!) is standard-issue pink. Very brain-like. This means that your mother left you a healthy living brain you have to deal with. Don’t freak out! You’re smart and you’re prepared for this. You bought this guide for a reason, and we’re going to get through this together.

[graciegirl2006!?]
I just don’t understand where this thing came from. Mom never mentioned anything like this, and it wasn’t here last I checked.

[Guide]
How long since you’ve been down in the basement?

[graciegirl2006!?]
I didn’t visit a lot. Years, probably. She was only 65. I thought there was time.

[Guide]
Well, there you go! You can transport and set up a living brain in a weekend.

[graciegirl2006!?]
Could she have done this on purpose? Left me something to have to deal with?

[Guide]
Maybe? Our company has never met your mother and, considering her current state of existence, we never will (unfortunate for us, I’m sure!).  

[graciegirl2006!?]
She always used to do that, leave shit for me to clean up. I remember one time she had me literally call one of her boyfriends to tell him that she wanted to break up. Isn’t that crazy? She said that I was an “intelligent modern woman” and I could handle it. 

[Guide]
Now again, we don’t know your mom, but before we continue, I have to say that it’s best if you put aside any anger you may feel toward your mother for leaving this on your shoulders, whether she did it on purpose or not. Not only is this good for your soul (if you believe in that kind of business), but it can help you survive this ordeal, since it’s a very real possibility that living brains can sense fear and use it against you. You don’t need those kinds of complications!

But also, think of it this way: If nothing else, this is a testament to your poor deceased mother’s dedication and ability to keep a nutritionally complicated and metabolically volatile living brain alive in a basement. That’s kinda cool, huh?

[graciegirl2006!?]
I never said I was mad at my mom.

[Guide]
Sounded like you were!

[graciegirl2006!?]
I’m not, I just said that leaving a mess for me to clean up is very much in character for her.

[Guide]
Seems like you got it all figured out, then!

[graciegirl2006!?]
Shit, it just moved a little, what do I do?

[Guide]
Now’s the time to assess just how dangerous this living brain is. The main thing you’re going to want to look out for is whether or not the brain has long arm-like tendrils. They’ll look like fleshy ropes. If you see these, do not approach the brain! These tendrils may look skinny and weak, but they are capable of crushing a human skull like it’s a peanut shell. I’ve seen it happen!

[graciegirl2006!?]
That sounds horrifying, Jesus.

[Guide]
It’s honestly pretty cool in a National-Geographic-special kind of way, but, it goes without saying, it’s only cool if it’s not your skull being crushed.

Now, if there are no tendrils, then you’re in the clear, unless this particular brain has any external telepathy-like abilities, but we’ll deal with that later. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
What the hell? Like it can read my thoughts? Or control my mind?

[Guide]
No way! More like some… How do I put this? There is a possibility that giant brains have some internal-to-external mind abilities involving people and/or home electronics and appliances. It’s all very patchy, though, so no need to worry your little head about it. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
I’m very worried. 

[Guide]
No need! This is less about “control,” more “bursts of influence” that we’re talking here, if that puts your mind at ease. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
It doesn’t. Can it control my phone? My microwave? 

[Guide]
I think we’re jumping the gun a little! Don’t concern yourself with that yet, we’ll cover all of this later. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
Sounds like something we need to address now. 

[Guide]
Remember, you’re using this guide for a reason. We’ve dealt with this many times. I promise I’ll get to it later, okay? Now, what’s the tendril situation looking like?

[graciegirl2006!?]
I can’t tell if there are arm-things or not. Maybe? I don’t want to get close. Sorry, I’m still struggling with why mom has a giant brain down here. Makes no sense.

[Guide]
Alright, I see we’re stuck on this. The emotional stuff is, I’m going to be honest, not my thing, but for the sake of moving on to the meat and potatoes of killing this living brain that may or may not have skull-crushing tendrils, let’s get this out of the way.

So, from my experience, there are two main possibilities as to why your mom was keeping a brain in her basement and didn’t find it necessary to tell you.

The first possibility is that your mother (have we mentioned how sorry we are to hear about her passing?) was keeping this abomination unto the lord as a pet of some sort. To determine this, you’re going to want to give the brain a bit of a general vibe check. Good vibes all around? Positive energy? An aura that you’d describe as happy?

How about its hue? Are its pinks extra pink? Does the translucent film covering the brain glisten in a way that could only come from knowing true affection, from the knowledge that love is not simply a chemical reaction beneficially bonding us together and thus boosting the survival of our species, but is in fact an unexplainable yet very real spiritual phenomenon?

These are all signs that your mother had been treating this thing as a pet. Also, you might see some toys around the basement. Giant mutant brains tend to like the squeaky kind.

[graciegirl2006!?]
I’m not sure about the vibes, I’m not very good at this… No toys or anything, though. Not that I can see.

[Guide]
Remember to be objective in your assessment. Don’t fall into beginners’ traps!

[graciegirl2006!?]
Beginners’ traps?

[Guide]
For example, you might assume that because your mom didn’t let you have a dog when you were a kid, she would never keep a brain as a pet.

[graciegirl2006!?]
What are you talking about? Did I mention not getting a dog?

[Guide]
You must have put it in the About Me box when you signed in!

[graciegirl2006!?]
I don’t remember doing that.

[Guide]
Weird! Lucky guess, then? But to continue: Holding onto your anger over the dog is silly, because there are, of course, lots of possible reasons why she didn’t let you have a pet and yet came around to having this brain in her basement, such as loneliness in her advanced years, or her simply believing that you were too juvenile or irresponsible or otherwise unfit to have a dog. Or, let’s be honest, you simply didn’t deserve one based on your poor behavior. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
I was a good kid. 

[Guide]
I’m sure you were! But the subjectivity of the word “good” might not be doing you any favors here. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
Actually, she promised I could get a dog at one point. A husky. I was going to name him Maxwell. But first, she told me I had to help her get the house ready for guests she was having over. Old college friends, I think.

[Guide]
Hindsight is 20/20! We all make mistakes as children. Live and learn, all that jazz. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
No, but that’s the thing. I did help her. I did everything she asked and more and… she still didn’t let me have a dog. She never followed through, always said things would work out, and they never did. And she always had an excuse, a reason why I shouldn’t be mad. Like, she said not getting the dog would be good for me in the long run, that disappointment was character building. You know, me being a modern young woman and all, I could handle it.

[Guide]
Well, I guess we’ll take her word for it! Now, the second and most common possibility is that the brain is some kind of science experiment. This one should be fairly obvious to decipher. Are there wires or tubes to the brain? Are there notebooks scattered around containing indecipherable formulas? Are there beakers filled with neon-colored goo? Any one of these is a dead giveaway that your deceased mother was using this giant living brain as some kind of guinea pig in a sick, playing-God-like scenario.

[graciegirl2006!?]
There are some wires, a few notebooks, I guess.

[Guide]
Seems promising! Now, keep in mind, within the category of giant-brain-as-godless-science-experiment, there are two subcategories. The first is that the brain you’re looking at (again, keep an eye on that darn thing!) is the same brain your mom experimented on and has the same consciousness it’s always had. This category is the more straightforward of the two. The other, more complicated category is that your mother is in fact not dead, and has instead transferred her consciousness to this living brain as a way of staving off what she must have perceived as the quickly encroaching void of death.

[graciegirl2006!?]
How do I tell the difference?

[Guide]
You seem like a very reasonable person who can take some direct⁠—if somewhat unpleasant⁠—news, so I’m just gonna lay it right on you: There’s no great way to tell. It’s not like the brain has a mouth and can tell you that it contains your mother’s consciousness. (Unless it does, in which case the thing in front of you is not technically a living brain and you’ve purchased the wrong guide. Our apologies! While we don’t offer refunds, we do have an interactive guide on how to deal with giant living blobs that can speak, only $15.99! Check our website!) You could read through all your mother’s notebooks to see what she was up to, but there’s no way you’re gonna understand all that science junk and her handwriting was never great and nobody has the time so we’re going to treat both subcategories exactly the same. Just generally be aware that when you kill this thing, you may also be murdering the last inkling of your mother’s existence at the same time.

Moving on!

[graciegirl2006!?]
I’m not sure I want to do this anymore. The police are still coming, I think. They should be here soon; maybe I should just wait for them. 

[Guide]
Glad to see you’re not letting this situation turn you into an immoral monster killer driven by bloodlust, but alas, it must be done. Giant living brains present a real “one of us must die” scenario for the person who discovers them, and bringing more people into the situation only makes things more complicated. Do you want more people to get hurt? And wouldn’t you rather kill the brain than be killed by it?

[graciegirl2006!?]
Okay, I guess. So, how do I kill it then?

[Guide]
Great question!

To begin with, no matter what the situation, you’re going to want to find something sharp and long that can penetrate the brain completely. A sword is ideal, or maybe a long wooden picket with the end shaved to a point. If your dead mom was the kind of person to have a giant living brain in her basement, then she’s definitely got some weird shit down there. There has to be something fit for brain murder. Improvise! I can’t hold your hand through everything! 

[graciegirl2006!?]
There’s a shovel.

[Guide]
That the best you got?

[graciegirl2006!?]
Yup.

[Guide]
Not ideal, but it’ll have to do!

So, the easiest scenario is that this thing was a pet. Pet means trusting, domesticated. Approach it carefully, of course, but this should be cake. If there are squeaky toys around, use one of those to distract the brain, then when you’re close enough, plunge the shovel (I wish you had something sharper!) right into the middle. It’ll probably start squirming and pulsing violently, fighting to live. Don’t panic! Back up (and step to the side, as the pulsing may cause your weapon to be ejected from the brain in the opposite direction of penetration) and let the thing die. It may take a while, but once its color starts to dull, you’ll know you did well, and you’re now a giant-brain-killer of the highest order.

[graciegirl2006!?]
I already told you there were no toys. I don’t think it was a pet. 

[Guide]
Just being thorough! And the lack of toys doesn’t 100% guarantee your mother wasn’t raising this thing as a pet. She may have just not been a very good giant-living-brain mother, we don’t know.

[graciegirl2006!?]
I don’t believe that. She took good care of me.

[Guide]
I guess you haven’t revisited that high school journal of yours in a while! But moving on: If this thing is an experiment, you can assume it was tested on against its will. This almost certainly means it’s angry, probably evil, definitely human-hating. In this case, you first want to unplug any and all machines or tubes that may be attached to the brain since some of these may be keeping it alive.

[graciegirl2006!?]
Sorry to interrupt again, but I’m still stuck on this pseudo-telepathy thing.

[Guide]
This again? Right in the middle of killing this living brain? You’re really showing a weak underbelly to this brain. Your odds aren’t looking good!

[graciegirl2006!?]
Okay, okay. So, there’s some kind of monitor looking thing with wires that’s running. I crushed it with the shovel.

[Guide]
A bit crude, but effective! Now we’re speaking the same language. Your odds for survival just went way up! For the next step, there are a couple schools of thought on how to handle these situations, but here is my recommendation: If there are no tendrils, then once you unplug the machines, proceed by killing the brain in much the same way as described above.

If the brain does have tendrils, though, then after you unplug the machines, you want to step back, and wait for it to (hopefully) die on its own. Give it a full day; don’t be too eager. You don’t want to have to fight off tendrils if you don’t have to. If the color isn’t starting to turn sickly after the full 24, then you’re going to have to go ahead and fight the thing. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
I called the cops, remember? 

[Guide]
You’re right, time is of the essence! In that case, there’s not a lot I can say here except you need to be bold, move quickly, and don’t underestimate the skull-crushing strength of those evil brain tendrils. Good luck! Hope you survive!

[graciegirl2006!?]
I can’t help thinking about what you said about the brain having my mom’s consciousness.

[Guide]
Is this a morality concern? Because my response would be: If this brain has your mom’s consciousness baked into its scrotum-like flesh, your mother did some real deal-with-the-devil type shit, which frees you from moral qualms over murdering a living thing.

[graciegirl2006!?]
But it’s my mother. 

[Guide]
Well, if you’re having second thoughts, then just put the shovel away and close this guide, because we’re done here. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
No, no, sorry. Doing it. Killing it now. 

[Guide]
Go for it, girl! 

[graciegirl2006!?]
I did it. It’s so bloody and gross. I want to throw up. 

[Guide]
Congrats! I know we just met, but I’m proud of you despite your weak stomach! Many warriors stronger than you have died at the hands of giant sentient brains. Consider yourself among rarified air. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
Thanks, I guess. I just puked, though. What now? 

[Guide]
So, now that the brain is dead, you’re going to want to get rid of the thing before selling your dead mom’s house.

[graciegirl2006!?]
I don’t understand how you know I want to sell Mom’s house. 

[Guide]
You sure you didn’t mention it? 

[graciegirl2006!?]
Definitely not.

[Guide]
Lucky guess, then! 

[graciegirl2006!?]
Okay then… so how do I dispose of the brain? 

[Guide]
First, get yourself a pair of gloves, several black garbage bags, and some kind of cutting utensil to slice the brain into the smallest pieces possible. I highly recommend something with a serrated edge, which will lead to the least labor-intensive way of cutting through that thick mutant brain matter, but any knife can do the job if you give it enough elbow grease. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
I got a serrated bread knife from the kitchen.

[Guide]
Perfect!

[graciegirl2006!?]
I cut it up. 

[Guide]
Then you’re done! Toss the pieces in the trash and you can forget this whole thing ever happened. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
Hold on, I don’t… I don’t think it’s dead. 

[Guide]
What do you mean? 

[graciegirl2006!?]
It’s still moving. The pieces of the brain. 

[Guide]
Well, that’s a bit unexpected, I must say! 

[graciegirl2006!?]
What do I do? Is this thing still dangerous? The bits are starting to move a lot. 

[Guide]
Like always, I’m going to be straight with you here: I have no idea what’s going on right now with the brain. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
What are you talking about? This is a guide for this specific situation, how did you not plan for this? You’ve never had a brain that was cut up and didn’t die? 

[Guide]
I think maybe we as an organization have bitten off more than we can chew here. Plus, didn’t you say that the police were called? The boys in blue should be here any minute! They always make situations better. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
You told me I should avoid the police. 

[Guide]
Well, the situation has taken a turn for the worse, it seems! 

[graciegirl2006!?]
This is so much worse than when I called them, though, because now I have a cut up brain here that won’t die and I’m covered in blood and vomit. I look like a murderer. Someone is going to get hurt or I’m going to jail because I trusted that you knew what you were doing. 

[Guide]
Hey, we got you most of the way there, that has to count for something? 

[graciegirl2006!?]
It doesn’t. 

[Guide]
It should! 

[graciegirl2006!?]
I don’t even know what to say to the cops when they come. 

[Guide]
You’ll figure it out! Remember, you’re a smart, modern young woman who was able to kill (mostly!) a giant living brain with nothing but her brain and her courage. You can talk your way out of this, easy. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
I really don’t want to have to… wait. What did you say? 

[Guide]
Which part? 

[graciegirl2006!?]
I… did you just call me a “modern young woman?” 

[Guide]
It’s possible! But we’re getting off topic here. Would you like me to recommend a book on talking to people who are brandishing weapons and have the authority to kill you? I think we have something in our library. I bet I can get you a discount if I talk to my…

[graciegirl2006!?]
Mom? 

[Guide]
Excuse me? 

[graciegirl2006!?]
She’s the only one that called me that. Modern young woman. It’s a stupid phrase, doesn’t mean anything. She thought using it would soften the disappointment, somehow. 

[Guide]
Uh… you mentioned it before. I guess I picked up on it then? 

[graciegirl2006!?]
Hold on. What were you saying about the telepathic abilities of the brain or whatever? 

[Guide]
Was I talking about that? 

[graciegirl2006!?]
You definitely were. 

[Guide]
Must have slipped my mind! But okay, telepathy, got it, it’s time, let’s talk about that. So, evil giant brains, like I said, have been known to tap into things. It’s all very uneven, bits of information at a time. Nothing concrete. An imperfect process as far as we can tell. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
So, the evil brain in my mom’s basement could be controlling me right now? 

[Guide]
Holy smokes, what a dark question! Anything’s possible, but it’s unlikely. Human brains are pretty complex! 

[graciegirl2006!?]
But you said it could maybe control electronics? Like a microwave maybe? 

[Guide]
Also possible! But there’s no way to be sure. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
Or a computer program. 

[Guide]
If I could think of another way to say “It’s possible but I don’t know,” I would definitely do that now. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
Mom? Are you in there somewhere? 

[Guide]
We’re not your mom. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
Mommy? 

[Guide]
Again, we’re not your mom.

[graciegirl2006!?]
Why are you still doing this? 

[Guide]
Still not your mother, Grace. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
I would have forgiven you, you know that, right? For everything. For the dog, for whatever mess you got into here. You could have told me about the brain, we could have dealt with this together. 

[Guide]
In her defense, not sure how your dead mother could have told you anything from beyond the grave!

[graciegirl2006!?]
You went through all of this trouble to… what? Mind control me into killing a giant brain? That maybe has your consciousness baked into it? Help me understand, Mom. 

[Guide]
As discussed, it doesn’t seem likely that the brain would be able to control a human.

[graciegirl2006!?]
Whatever it is, mind control, telekinetic influence, nudging a computer program to get me to act a certain way. It’s all the same type of manipulation you used to do when I was a kid. It’s the same as promising me a dog and then telling me that not having one builds character. You know, you could have been honest with me, right? Why is honesty so hard for you? 

[Guide]
This seems very personal! Not for our consumption! 

[graciegirl2006!?]
You always did this. No follow through. 

[Guide]
Not sure what I should be saying here, Grace. Not sure what you want me to say. 

[graciegirl2006!?]
I hear the sirens coming, the police will be down here soon, find me covered in blood and brain guts. I love you, Mom. Okay? But I’m done doing this, following along with your promises, hoping things work out. You’ve never been able to come clean, but I want you to know that I’m going to tell them everything and hope for the best. Maybe they’ll believe my story, maybe not. But I’m going to do what you could never do. I’m going to own up to my mistakes and accept the consequences. 

[Guide]
Okay, since your arrest appears to be imminent, I’ll say this: I’m not your mother (that doesn’t make sense!), but if I were a⁠, let’s say⁠, a computer program that was being influenced by brain waves emanating from the giant living brain that she was accidentally taken over by, I’d say this: I wasn’t always a good mother, I know that. I made bad decisions and I didn’t know how to fix them right. A dog would have been too much for me, okay? I’m sorry to put it on you, but how do you tell your daughter that you’re overwhelmed and terrified of keeping another living creature from dying? I thought making a commitment would put my back against the wall, force me to follow through. But I couldn’t do it. And I also couldn’t have it be my fault; you’d never have trusted me again if it was my fault, so I had to make it your fault instead. As for everything else… I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you, sorry if I dumped all of my bullshit on you. I’m just… so sorry, okay? I thought that giving you a brain to kill would be a good thing, a clean slate, a moment of triumph. But I can see now that it’s the same shit, the same pattern. Do you understand, though? I was trying to let you be free from me. I was really trying, I wanted to do it this time, I wanted to finally follow through with something, I just fucked it up. 

Please tell me you understand. Please tell me you forgive me. Before it’s too late. Please say you forgive me. 

Please. 

Please, Grace. 

Please?

[user graciegirl2006!? is logged out]

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© 2024 by Alex Sobel

4307 words

Author’s Note: I wanted to write a story about cross-generational trauma and how we deal with it after a toxic person has passed away. What is left behind? How do we move on when there’s no longer an option for closure? Science fiction has the amazing ability to take normal things and ideas and make them strange and unfamiliar, so in this case, the effects of a mother’s narcissism on her daughter takes the form of a giant (possibly evil, likely mind-controlling) brain left in her basement that her daughter has to deal with.  

Alex Sobel is a psychiatric nurse and writer (when he finds the time). His work has appeared in Clarkesworld, Electric Literature, The Saturday Evening Post, and Dark Matter Magazine. He lives in Toledo, OH, with his wife.

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